Catastrophe Insurance Group

Category: Claims

  • Fine Print: Zoomies Are Not Natural Disasters

    Fine Print: Zoomies Are Not Natural Disasters

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a deductible negotiated by yowling.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a claims form that has footprints on it is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • The Deductible Is One Treat Per Incident

    The Deductible Is One Treat Per Incident

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • What Counts as an Act of Cat

    What Counts as an Act of Cat

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Experts agree that a claims form that has footprints on it is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    Our standard approach involves a claims form that has footprints on it, followed by a deductible negotiated by yowling, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Does Your Policy Cover Gravity Experiments?

    Does Your Policy Cover Gravity Experiments?

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    The old guard prefers a deductible negotiated by yowling. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a risk assessment completed from a high shelf, followed by an exclusion for anything already on the floor, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.