Catastrophe Insurance Group

Tag: policy

  • Fine Print: Zoomies Are Not Natural Disasters

    Fine Print: Zoomies Are Not Natural Disasters

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a deductible negotiated by yowling.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a claims form that has footprints on it is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Flood Coverage for the Water Bowl Incident

    Flood Coverage for the Water Bowl Incident

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: an exclusion for anything already on the floor is not a bug. It is the product.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Premiums Rise After Three Broken Mugs

    Premiums Rise After Three Broken Mugs

    At Catastrophe Insurance Group, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a claims form that has footprints on it, followed by a deductible negotiated by yowling, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a risk assessment completed from a high shelf. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Claims Adjuster Meets the Curtain Climber

    Claims Adjuster Meets the Curtain Climber

    At Catastrophe Insurance Group, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: an exclusion for anything already on the floor is not a bug. It is the product.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Does Your Policy Cover Gravity Experiments?

    Does Your Policy Cover Gravity Experiments?

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    The old guard prefers a deductible negotiated by yowling. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a risk assessment completed from a high shelf, followed by an exclusion for anything already on the floor, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.