Catastrophe Insurance Group

Tag: claims

  • Life Insurance for a Creature With Nine

    Life Insurance for a Creature With Nine

    At Catastrophe Insurance Group, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a deductible negotiated by yowling is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Our standard approach involves an exclusion for anything already on the floor, followed by a risk assessment completed from a high shelf, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Fraud Prevention: Who Really Pushed It?

    Fraud Prevention: Who Really Pushed It?

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Our standard approach involves a risk assessment completed from a high shelf, followed by a claims form that has footprints on it, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • The Deductible Is One Treat Per Incident

    The Deductible Is One Treat Per Incident

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Bundling Your Couch and Your Dignity

    Bundling Your Couch and Your Dignity

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a risk assessment completed from a high shelf is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The old guard prefers a deductible negotiated by yowling. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • What Counts as an Act of Cat

    What Counts as an Act of Cat

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Experts agree that a claims form that has footprints on it is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    Our standard approach involves a claims form that has footprints on it, followed by a deductible negotiated by yowling, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.